The Butterfly
by yukibozu
Summary: Life has never been an easy thing for Haruno Sakura but at 19, things have yet to look up. Pain, physical and mental drive her to desperate extremes. Butterflies follow in her wake, poisoning the world around her.
1. Introspection By Moonlight

Hey guys! This is a new fic, however, It. Is. Not. Mine. I got this off mediaminer. This is one of my favorite fics of all time. I really wanted to share it with you guys. If you want to contact the actual writer here's the email: banana.soap at gmail dot com. If you guys like it, tell me and I'll put more chapters. I know this has already been posted, but it was posted a loooong time ago, so I'm posting it again so it will be on the first page when people look for fics!!! EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS FIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would also like to include that I have gotten the writers permission to do this. anyone who doesn't believe can tell me, 'cause I have the email as god damn proof.

The Butterfly

By: Tea Leaf/Banana Soap

The door slowly crept open, pushed from the outside. There was a subtle jangling of keys as they were removed from the lock and held loosely in her palm. She stepped in slowly, into the dark studio apartment and tossed the keys on the plain and bare kitchen table. She lived alone now but she'd felt alone since she was twelve. She stared at the keys glistening slightly in the cold moonlight that filtered in through the gauzy curtains covering the bay window.

She closed her eyes and closed the door, throwing the padlock, and rested against the cold wood for a moment. She was exhausted. She was always exhausted but she just couldn't manage to sleep. Insomnia plagued her.

So she stayed out late every night, just wasting the hours in some smoky bar with a barely touched drink warming in front of her. Then, when the bar closed, she came back her, back to this cold and barren room.

It was sparsely furnished, there was a table with a chair in the "kitchen" corner of the room, there were curtains on the window, there were a few thread bare white towels in the bathroom, a bed with plain black sheets and comforter (though it never was very comforting) was immaculately made, she couldn't remember the last time she'd slept in it, and then there was a stereo. She walked over to it and pressed the power button followed with "random" and then "play". Haunting cords from an acoustic guitar flowed from the speaker.

As was said, she was alone. She had once had parents but they had died a few years earlier during a second invasion by Orochimaru. His last invasion.

But she had been alone before they died.

It had been night, dark. She had waited; her heart in her throat, silently praying that the confrontation she felt coming wasn't going to happen, not tonight at least. She's been disappointed. He hadn't expected her and was annoyed with her presence, as he always was. She'd poured her heart out to him, done her best to convince him to stay. She'd cried…she hated herself now for it. He'd left anyway.

She shook her head slightly, clearing the memories and walked to the window, sitting in the bay seat, hiding from the empty apartment behind her gauzy gray curtains and opened the window. The cold air flowed in, numbing her skin, as her heart was numb, as her soul was numb, as her mind was numb, as her eyes were numb.

Naruto had gone after him, she had tried to hope he would succeed but deep down, she knew it really didn't matter if he did. He would never be the same. She would never be the same.

Naruto had failed, as she knew he would. Neji, Kiba and Choji had been critically injured and were in intensive care for weeks after. Everyone had returned injured but they had also returned with new allies. The sand siblings had come to their aid, the only reason any came back alive. She'd been happy for them, especially for Gaara, he'd begun his path to recovery.

She hadn't cried when they returned, she hadn't cried since they left. She'd been drained, she was still drained. So she when on mechanically, with a dark shadow hanging over her, the dark shadow that now filled her room. She'd gone on training, her sensei and teammate having enough tact not to comment on her strange behavior. She was pretty sure they pitied her. She was pretty sure they still did. She hated pity.

She'd gotten stronger, but not from any help from them. They treated her like some fragile glass doll that would shatter at the slighted touch.

She slowly unbound the strips of black material that covered her left forearm, the one facing the open window. There were several scars and fresh slice wounds spreading like cobwebs across her pale skin. With her right hand she pulled a kunai out of the pouch near the small of her back and pressed it to the injured flesh. Red oozed forward, glowing faintly in the moonlight. See, she wasn't glass, she was flesh. Far more fragile. She stared at the blood trickling down her arm. She couldn't feel it. She couldn't feel anything. She was numb. Suddenly she glared at her arm and in a sudden fit of rage, she sliced viciously at her arm, reopening the old wounds and creating more. Then, just as suddenly as it had come, the emotion attempting to spark in her eyes fizzled out, leaving just the cold numbness. She sighed inaudibly and dropped her arm, letting it dangle out the open window. The blood flowed in rivulets down her arm, over her wrist, pooling slightly in her lightly curved palm before dripping off her fingertips to crash in the alley below.

Unconsciously the bloody hand formed a seal, her lips moved slightly but no sound came out. Slowly the small, summoned black and crimson butterfly fluttered its way up to her, perching on her raised knee and looking at her questioningly. The numb green eyes stared at it as her cold, uninjured hand rose to stroke the poisonous wings.

She remembered the first time she had made the blood pact with the butterfly. She'd been barely thirteen; he had left four months ago. Naruto and Kakashi had been doing some one on one training, leaving her to her own devices. She had wandered off into the woods surrounding the village. She'd found a small clearing that was heavily shaded in what had been the near twilight hours. As the sun descended, small black and red butterflies had risen from the surrounding wood. She had sat down and contemplated.

She was like a butterfly.

Small, fragile, insubstantial. Just a pretty thing that people liked to look at in a superficial way, that was discarded as soon as something more interesting came along, and everything was more interesting. The realization had fed the void inside her and she'd been desperate to prove that she really was a human. That was the first time she'd sliced her arm for the confirming blood. She'd been horrified with herself but the butterflies had come to her. They'd landed on all parts of her body; one of them landed in the blood and had looked at her. Then it had licked the blood.

Kakashi had shown up then, terrified for her safety. Apparently those butterflies were highly poisonous. She'd started to feel the effects then. She'd turned drowsy, her heart slowed, her breathing became labored. Naruto had panicked. Kakashi rushed her to the hospital. She'd fallen asleep. When she woke up, The 5th Hokage, Tsunade, had been there and told her that she was very lucky. Apparently she had a natural immunity to the poison.

She'd known better.

She'd trained, learned she could summon the butterflies, learned that the butterflies had different levels of poison. Some had sleep powders, others paralyzed, others still killed. She also learned that because the butterflies were so small, she could share her body with them with a customized summoning jutsu. When she did this, her skin become poisonous, just like the butterfly.

Her finger still idly stroked the crimson and black wing. She still hadn't mastered growing wings when she joined with the insect.

Three years after leaving, he'd returned. He'd trained with and used the curse seal to finally avenge his family and had destroyed his brother. He'd now had no reason to live and had been perfectly happy to hand his body over to Orochimaru. Orochimaru had wanted to have him help in the annihilation of the village before he took his body. They had attacked.

And that's when his plan had become clear. He'd been lying to Orochimaru and now, finally back in his home village, he'd returned to the ranks of the Leaf shinobi. She'd been so relieved. She still loved him.

Stupid girl, her modern self condemned.

Orochimaru had turned on him, intent to kill. She had rushed in. She refused to allow him to be hurt again if she could do something to stop it. He'd been surprised. She'd defended him as best she could, using every new skill in her arsenal, surprising everyone when she summoned the butterflies for the first time in front of them. Orochimaru had been slightly stunned at this, it had been a small opening but enough of an opening. Tsunade-sama had jumped in and decapitated him before he could react.

The curse seal had disappeared with Orochimaru. He had gone into heavy withdrawal. She'd tried to help as best she could but she'd come to the harsh reality that her new abilities were all destructive, she could not help.

She was poison.

Slowly, things had fallen back into their normal routine. After his excruciating rehabilitation, he and Naruto had become rivals again, constantly pushing each other forward. Kakashi-sensei had become preoccupied with training them. She'd been left forgotten in the background, forever the butterfly.

She'd tried for a while to return to some semblance of living but she'd failed. Every time she tried to help, she just seemed to make things worse. She felt like a pariah. Although she advanced in levels with them, and now found herself a jounin, Naruto had joined a group specializing in the development of new jutsu. He had joined ANBU.

She was still left behind.

And now here she was, alone in this cold darkness. The only one not actually moving forward of their own momentum. The only one still broken. The only one with no goals, no purpose.

She stroked the butterfly's wing.

She was the butterfly simply swaying with the wind.

A single tear, shining in the cold moonlight, slipped down her left cheek.

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Hey guys! This is a new fic, however, It. Is. Not. Mine. I got this off mediaminer. This is one of my favorite fics of all time. I really wanted to share it with you guys. If you want to contact the actual writer here's the email: banana. If you guys like it, tell me and I'll put more chapters. I know this has already been posted, but it was posted a loooong time ago, so I'm posting it again so it will be on the first page when people look for fics!!! EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS FIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	2. The night fades into day the beat goes

The blood dried, flaking off her arm slightly. Listless eyes stared out the window, over the alley, over the shorter building beside hers, past the walls, past the forest, out to the horizon. She hadn't moved for hours but she was only vaguely aware of that. She hadn't slept; she was simply in that hazy place between alertness and sleep. The sky was beginning to lighten; the moon had set a while ago. The stars were slowly being snuffed out, one by one.

Still a cold finger vaguely stroked the black and crimson wing. The butterfly watched her. She felt so small, so helpless. She'd been with her mistress for six years now, ever since as a broken child she had wandered into their field. The butterflies had loved her. They'd felt a bond with her. They, like so many others who have known her, had sworn to protect her with their lives. The butterfly suspected that that was one of the reasons she had steadily grown further and further away from them, further and further into her own shell.

The girl sighed as the sun started to peek over the horizon and the sky took on a multitude of colors.

She lifted the butterfly from her knee and stood. The butterfly took off and disappeared out the window, blending into the sunrise. She watched as it left, watching its back, a part of anatomy that was all too familiar to her eyes.

"I live my life trapped in the endless sunset. My world is neither light nor dark, it is merely fading from one extreme to the other." She muttered in a voice that had become husky from lack of use. She didn't have much to say anymore.

She wandered to the bathroom and stripped off the previous days clothes before turning on the water. As she waited for it to heat she took a look at her reflection in the mirror over the sink.

Her hair had grown out again; she had just never gotten around to cutting it again. It now brushed the tops of her thighs. The color had faded; it was still pink of course but not nearly as lustrous. She certainly wouldn't be accused of being a "sexy shinobi" now; she mused with a slightly arched eyebrow. She was thin, if she moved or stretched her upper body in any way, her ribs and spine became visible. Her hips had rounded out with age but her hipbones were still sharp and prominent. Her breasts had grown as well, larger than she had expected them to but no one aside from her knew that, she kept them tightly bound all the time to keep them from interfering with her movement in combat and training. There were angry red chaff marks marring her skin but she liked them, if she rubbed the marks hard enough, pain finally crept through her system, and feeling pain was better than feeling nothing. Her body was lean but heavily muscled; she trained her body almost brutally every day in hopes of expending enough energy so as to pass out from exhaustion.

She wasn't so lucky.

What she liked the most about her body though where the things everyone else thought to be flaws.

She loved her scars.

She ran her hand over a thick one near her right hipbone. That was where Orochimaru had stabbed her with a kunai three years ago. She'd ripped it out and thrown it right back at him, stabbing him in the same spot.

It was one of her favorite scars.

Steam started to rise from the water and she turned towards it. But as she did, she noticed another favorite wound on her back. Between her shoulder blades were three jagged scars about two inches in length each, shirukens had given her those.

She loved those scars; they were a reminder that she really wasn't as clever as she once had thought she was.

She climbed into the shower pulling the tab that moved the water from the faucet to the showerhead, eyes closing as the scalding water hit her like drops of fire, searing her skin.

She turned, letting the water soak her hair before reaching for the soap and scrubbing viciously at her skin.

The wounds on her arm opened again and the soap stung.

She ignored it.

Rock Lee walked quickly through the streets of Konoha. He knew she would be awake, he usually saw her already training in the fields when he woke up. Today he was going to ask her to train with him.

He'd been doing this about once a week for the past few years. He kept hoping that maybe if someone treated her like an equal again she might start to come out of the apathetic shell she lived in.

The fact that he fantasized her falling madly in love with him over one of these training sessions and magically re-becoming the bright and energetic girl with her heart perpetually on her sleeve and the most incredible devotion in heart, was entirely beside the point.

Deep down, he thought he might know what was wrong with her. She had some wound, that even she wouldn't admit to having, that was still wide-open and festering. The infection was affecting her in every possible way.

He'd asked Neji once if he knew how to heal that kind of wound. He'd hoped Neji would know because he could always read people so well. He'd been told that there was no way for someone on the outside to heal it. The person with the wound had to heal it himself.

Gaara had been there and disagreed. Gaara said that the only way he'd been able to heal had been with the help of others.

Neji had pointed out that the difference between Gaara and Sakura's situations was that Gaara had actually wanted to heal. He hadn't been so sure that Sakura did.

Lee had sighed and decided to try anyway. So far he'd had no luck.

She stood in the shower. She had finished washing quite some time ago but she didn't want to move.

She liked the heat.

She always felt so cold and nothing could really drive it from her. If she were honest with herself, she'd admit that the hot water didn't really warm her at all; it just distracted her.

Slowly the water started to cool and she closed her eyes in resignation as a long fingered hand rose and turned of the water. She stepped out of the shower and dried off with a threadbare towel. She really should get some new ones but she just didn't care enough to bother. She hung the towel back on the rack and walked naked to her bed; there were dressers underneath where she kept her meager wardrobe. She pulled out a pair of underwear and black pants as well as some fresh rolls of gauze. She dressed her lower body and held the corner of a roll of gauze to her rib cage before proceeding to bind her ribs and breasts painfully tight. She then wrapped her forearms with two rolls of black gauze. That way if they bled, the blood would be hidden in the black. As for the long strands of wet hair, she simply twisted them into a messy knot and the back of her head, securing it with an elastic.

A knock sounded lightly at the door as she finished.

She merely raised her eyes at the offending sound.

"Sakura-san?" questioned a now deeper but still childishly eager voice.

She closed her eyes briefly before walking over to the door, throwing open the lock and opening the door.

Lee stood there, dressed as he had always dressed in the green body suit with his forehead protector worn as a belt and bright orange ribbed leg warmers. The only difference was now he wore the jounin vest, just like Gai-sensei.

She lifted a brow questioningly.

"Sakura-san!" Lee exclaimed with a grin, dimmed slightly by her impassive and disconnected expression.

"I was wondering if you would like to train with me today?" he questioned hopefully.

She looked away for a moment, considering, the shrugged and opened the door wider so that he could enter.

As he walked past her she observed the changes time had made to him. He was taller, about 5'11" she guessed. He was built the same though, still thin and lean and his muscles were still very well developed, she could see them shifting beneath his clothes.

She closed the door and walked back to the bed, crouching to the drawers to find a shirt. She found a black mesh one and pulled it on then walked over to the door and pulled on her sandals and grabbed her shirukens holster to strap to her right leg and her kunai pouch which she threaded on her forehead protector which she used as a belt and passed it through the loops of her pants.

"Let's go." She said monotonously.

Lee nodded and bounced up from her kitchen chair before heading out the door. She snatched her keys off the table and followed, locking the door behind her.

He slowly made his way back to the village. He'd had an assassination mission and had been away for the past week and now, finally, he could come home.

It had taken a lot for him to be able to call this place home but now that he could he was fiercely protective of it. Nothing was going to take his home away from him again. Not now that he could protect it.

To be honest, he wasn't sure what it was that made this place home. He knew what it had once been, it had once been home because of his family, but his family had been murdered and home had been ripped away. Then it was home because of what he had come to think of as his surrogate family but he hadn't been able to enjoy it then because he still hadn't avenged his family. Once that had been done, he had not hesitated in returning and finally appreciating his surrogate family and enjoying his home again.

But something had been off. Something was still off. His surrogate family had changed while he was away and he still didn't really understand or accept the changes. He ignored them, acted as he always had and deluded himself that the others acted the same as well.

The gates came into view and he sighed with relief. He made his way towards it, exchanged passwords with the guards and was admitted. He hobbled along the street soon coming to the bridge that was so very familiar to him. As a child this had been more home than his house, this is where he always met with his surrogate family.

But they weren't here to meet him. They never met here anymore. He could barely remember the last time they had.

He heard a large snap coming from the clearing that was just behind the tree line on his side of the bridge, the clearing where the hero monument was.

Curiosity came over him then. He had found that now that he didn't have the responsibilities to the past weighing him down anymore, he really did enjoy indulging his curiosity so he wandered over.

Lee ducked as Sakura came at him with a flying kick. The kick hit the tree behind him and with a large snap, the wood gave and the tree toppled over.

Lee's eyes widened slightly at the power. That would have hurt…

In the meantime, Sakura had recovered from the kick and was attacking again.

She came in with a punch that Lee blocked, then another from the other side that Lee blocked again, she then brought up her leg to kick him in the ribs but he dodged and backed up a few steps.

Sakura flipped onto her hands, her legs came up and locked around Lee's neck with her calves. She then reversed her motion and pulled Lee off his feet and set him flying into the debris of the broken tree as she landed on her feet and stood again, moving into a defensive position.

"You're holding back." she stated coldly.

Lee groaned, fighting Sakura seemed to keep getting harder and harder over the years. He couldn't really fight back because he really didn't want to hurt her but he knew she'd be hurt if she found out. So Lee looked for a way to change the subject. That's when he spotted his "get out of jail free" card.

"Ah, Sasuke-san! What are you doing here?" He asked brightly as he slowly stood up from the broken wood.

Sakura dropped her defensive pose and rose to stand normally. The sparing was over.

"I was just investigating that crash." He responded with disinterest as he lent Lee a hand to rise while watching Sakura out of the corner of his eye.

Sakura held his eyes for a second with cold detachment before looking away. She turned and left the clearing without a word.

Lee noticed and shouted goodbye to her, she raised her hand slightly in a half-hearted wave.

Lee sighed dejectedly. Another day, another failure.

"What happened to the tree?" Sasuke asked Lee, ignoring the fact that Sakura had completely ignored him.

"Sakura kicked it. She'd been aiming for my head…" he responded with apprehension.

"Good thing I ducked, eh?" he continued with a grin.

Sasuke smirked slightly.

"Yeah, good thing."

Sakura walked through the woods, soon coming to the field where she'd met the butterflies what seemed like a lifetime ago.

She collapsed under a tree, her right hand rising to rub her chest over her heart.

She hated seeing him. She loved seeing him. It hurt to see him.

He'd looked good…he always looked good though, didn't he? The dark hair that hid his face, shadowed it with mystery. Those dark eyes…bedroom eyes. Those features that had been beautiful as a boy that had matured to breathtakingly handsome as a man. He was at least 6 feet tall now and had filled out perfectly, with perfectly sculpted muscles. He was an artist's dream model.

Her fingernails on her left hand dug into her palm so hard they drew blood.

She lifted her head, staring off through the leafy canopy above her to the blue sky as she bit her lip.

She'd finally managed to not think about him. As long as she didn't see him, she was fine. But she always saw him. He just always seemed to show up everywhere she went.

Why did she have to see him? Why did she care? Why couldn't she just erase him?

A butterfly fluttered over to her and landed on her nose.

Her eyes crossed slightly as she looked at it.

Finally she sighed and lowered her head. That was why. She was a butterfly, forever loyal to one person. And she just didn't know how to change that. She didn't know how to just move on. She'd tried…oh god, had she tried!…but all he had to do was look at her and she'd crumble.

She was so weak.

Her heart hurt. Her body hurt. Her mind hurt. Her soul hurt.

She lowered her head to her raised knees, the butterfly fluttering over to land on her shoulder.

At least it hurt.

He made his way back to his house. He'd gone to see Tsunade-sama to make his report on his mission. He had gone to the hospital to get his leg treated.

He slid the door open and wandered tiredly to his room where he collapsed on the bed, his forearm rising to cover his eyes.

That was one of the things that had changed.

She looked the same from far away, but when you got close, it was like…she was a faded version of her former self.

She didn't smile anymore.

He missed that. He'd liked her smile. He liked to think that if she smiled now, he'd smile back. He couldn't have back then, but now he could. But now she didn't smile at him so he'd never gotten the chance to smile back at her.

Then there were her eyes.

Bright sea foam green eyes that used to have a myriad of emotions that would subtly mold the color of them. They were flat now. As if giant steel doors had been shut behind them. Now they were just a dull, numb and faded green.

She'd ignored him.

She'd acted as if he hadn't even been there.

Deep down, that's what he hated the most. Through it all, she'd always been the first on his side, she'd even said she would follow him through hell if he'd only allow her.

He couldn't do it.

He still believed he'd made the right decision. But…there were moments when he wondered if maybe…maybe he should have explained it to her. He hadn't. He probably never would.

He sighed and lifted his arm, sitting up slightly as he pulled down the blankets on his bed. Not bothering to get undressed, he slipped under the covers and promptly fell asleep.

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Well do you guys like it? I DO!!!! and again read the note at the bottom of the first chapter if you have not already. Don't forget to review or no more chapters will come.


	3. Walking Away

The Butterfly

Chapter 3

She heard steps; a soft rustling of the undergrowth came from her left. The butterflies that had been perching on her all took off simultaneously. She felt a vague impression of anger from them, as if upset that their alone time with her had been interrupted. Her inner self smiled in a self-deprecatory way, even the butterflies thought of her as their charge.

A figure emerged from the shadows of the trees; he wasn't very tall, probably the same height as her (about 5'7") or maybe even a little shorter. His auburn hair had grown out, now covering the tattoo on his forehead with shaggy bangs; the longer strands in the back had been pulled into a ponytail at the base of his skull. He was still skinny, he still didn't eat very much, but he was physically stronger than her used to be. He could now rely on his own body to defend him and not a chakra consuming armor of sand. Her favorite change had to be his eyes though; once they had been completely surrounded with the sooty markings of insomnia but they had faded. They were still there, but more of a bruised purple color than coal black.

He could sleep now.

It was more out of habit that he didn't.

He smiled at her, and she did her best to smile back as he came and sat beside her. A younger butterfly, blue and black in color, tried to land on him. Sand suddenly appeared, blocking Gaara's skin from the jealous butterfly that had tried to use its poison on him. Though its poison would only have induced mild drowsiness, it still shocked Sakura that the butterfly would consider her friend a threat.

Even the butterflies treated her like a possession.

Gaara turned to look at her.

She looked back.

His hand rose to push a few stray strands of pink hair that had fallen lose behind her ear so that he could get a better look at her face. The fingers from the same hand shifted to trace lightly along the black smudges under her eye.

Normally, she didn't really like being touched anymore. But she had never minded when Gaara did it; he never did it for any other reason than to better grasp any kind of sensorial information.

But that wasn't why she let him.

She let him because he had been forced to go the majority of his life without the ability to use his sense of touch, a sense that had always been very important to her. So she let him out of sympathy. He couldn't touch then, she couldn't touch now. Her skin was poisonous.

"You haven't been sleeping." he said simply.

"No, I haven't." she responded.

He looked sad.

"Why do you let your demons control you?" he questioned softly after a moment as he looked away.

She didn't answer; she just looked away as well. She closed her eyes softly and opened them again.

Gaara was gone. There were no imprints in the grass where he had been.

Sakura sighed.

Great, insomnia finally evolves to narcolepsy.

In her opinion, narcolepsy was infinitely worse than insomnia. At least with insomnia, she knew she was awake. With narcolepsy, she couldn't tell awake from asleep, reality from dreams. To top it off, narcoleptic sleep never left her feeling rested, only more confused.

She rose from the field and started walking back to the town. She avoided the hero monument.

She avoided the bridge.

She crossed at another spot and wandered through the streets.

"SAKURA!" a cheery voice called to her.

She turned, surprised to find herself in front of the Yamanaka flower shop. Ino was waving as she rounded the counter to greet her.

With a resigned sigh Sakura turned into the shop and was almost immediately engulfed in a suffocating hug from Ino.

Ino must be in a good mood today.

Over the years, as the rivalry had disintegrated (Ino had won having dated him for two months after his return), they had re-become "friends". At least, Ino had started treating her like a best friend again. Sakura had simply stopped picking fights with her.

She'd stopped picking fights with everyone.

"What have you done to yourself? You look terrible!" Ino was saying dramatically as she took in Sakura's messy hair, black smudged eyes and slightly gaunt cheeks.

_She hasn't been sleeping or eating nearly enough_ Ino thought slightly worried.

What really worried her though were the questionable bandages around her forearms.

Sakura shrugged slightly.

"Well, it's your lucky day! I'm feeling beautiful and charitable today so I'm going to make you beautiful again!" Ino exclaimed. "Just like old times" she added with a soft smile.

_Yeah…just like old times_… she silently agreed.

Ino looked beautiful today, like she always did. Her platinum blonde hair had grown back out as well and was held in a low ponytail over her right shoulder. Long and elegant earrings dangled from her lobes. Her face had grown even more beautiful as age had defined it and her subtle but perfectly applied makeup only enhanced.

She slept perfectly.

What was the biggest similarity though was Ino's bright ice blue eyes, they were so happy. She knew her own were most certainly not.

Just like old times…just like every time…

While she'd been musing, Ino had been busy untangling the elastic from her hair. It had dried in the mess and was now rather wavy as opposed to her normally straight. Ino had grabbed a brush from somewhere and was patiently detangling the long pink strands.

It had been a long time since someone had brushed her hair for her. Not since that one time Kakashi-sensei had been trying to comfort her after her parents had died. He'd always been very kind to her.

She hadn't seen him in a long time.

Ino was done brushing her hair now and had been chattering on about how wonderful things were between she and Shikamaru. The pair had finally hooked up almost two years ago now. Most had been surprised it had taken them so long. She hadn't been. She knew Ino and Ino was a coward when real emotions were concerned. It hadn't been real emotions for her with Sasuke, but it was real emotions when it came to Shikamaru.

"We're thinking about moving in together soon." Ino was saying as she wandered over to a shelf and picked up two beautiful pink and white orchids.

She made a slight noncommittal sound that showed she was listening and Ino went on, happy to be able to chatter her heart out as she wove the orchids and the hair by her left ear into a smallish braid, securing the flowers along the hairline by her left temple and ear.

"There, perfect!" Ino exclaimed as she looked at her work of art and found a mirror to show her.

She stared.

Ino always had gotten better marks in flower arranging…

Dead eyes stared back.

The flowers didn't suit her anymore; they made her look like she was twelve again.

She wasn't twelve anymore though.

She smiled slightly, but it never reached her eyes, and thanked Ino quietly before saying she had an errand to run and leaving the shop.

Ino watched her go, eyes full of worry.

"What's wrong?" Shikamaru asked as he entered the shop and walked over to her.

He pulled her lightly into her arms and Ino was grateful to have him there to lean on.

"Its Sakura…she's getting worse." She said quietly.

Shikamaru frowned slightly and hugged Ino a little tighter.

Sakura walked on, finding her way to the Hokage tower. Maybe she'd finally have a mission, a distraction.

She made her way to Tsunade's office; the door was open so she walked in.

Tsunade looked up as she heard her enter and smiled somewhat reservedly at her.

_She's getting worse…_was Tsunade's only thought as she saw the black smudges under her eyes, and noticed the freshly dried blood marring the bandages on her arms.

Tsunade knew for a fact that she hadn't been in a real combat for almost two years now and her only sparring partner was Rock Lee who could barely dare to throw a punch at her, let alone anything sharp.

Those were self-inflicted.

"Are there any missions today?" she asked bluntly.

Tsunade bit her lip slightly. She didn't want to send her on missions. She was just too unstable. She might do something dangerous or she might even be desperate enough and get herself killed.

"No, I'm afraid we don't have anything suitable for you" Tsunade said with a slightly strained voice.

_Despite your rank, you're too weak for the A and B rank missions but I don't want to insult you by sending you on a C rank_ _is what she understood._

It was the same routine everyday.

She nodded slightly before turning and leaving.

Tsunade sighed and leaned back in her chair. She knew that she wasn't helping Sakura by denying her her position among the Konoha ninjas but she just couldn't bring herself to send her on a mission. It felt too much like signing Sakura's death warrant.

But watching her disintegrate and rot here…she almost felt like she'd signed her death warrant regardless.

If only Kakashi were still here…he'd seemed to reach her after her parents death…no one else had.

But Kakashi was missing.

He'd left along with a group of hunter nins about three years ago to take down the Akatsuki. They'd succeeded and most of the hunters had returned.

Kakashi had not.

Whether he was dead or not was undetermined but at this point there were only three possible explanations: 1) he was dead, 2) he had severe amnesia and didn't remember who he was or where he was from and so couldn't return or…3) he'd consciously abandoned the village and was now a missing nin.

Tsunade secretly hoped he was dead, it was the best fate he could have.

Sakura found herself on the bridge.

She wasn't sure if she was awake or not. She didn't feel awake but she didn't really feel asleep either.

She felt like she was twelve. Any moment now Naruto was going to rush up shouting "Sakura-chan" and the top of his lungs.

No one called her "Sakura-chan" anymore…

And then from the woods, he would emerge, smirk at Naruto's antics, ignore her and sit under a tree.

Then they would wait until suddenly with a puff of smoke Kakashi would show up with some lame, made up excuse for his lateness.

Of the three things, the last was the least likely.

For the first year, she'd kept coming everyday and waited. She'd kept expecting him to just pop up and apologize for being so late, claiming he'd had to save a village from an army of ogres and then save a damsel in distress from a dragon.

Or some such nonsense.

She missed his nonsense.

He'd been like a parent to her, had even invited her to stay with him after her parents had died. But now he'd left her too.

Everyone left her.

She sighed and rested her arms and the bridges railings, waiting.

She was always waiting.

"Why do you let your demons control you?"

She bit her lip and stared down at the water.

Tsunade looked up in surprise as Sakura entered her office for the second time today.

Had her mental health deteriorated so much that she thought they were already the next day?

"Do you have any missions for me?" She asked firmly, determination in her eyes.

Tsunade was stunned, this was the first time she had been determined about anything in years. Tsunade shook her head slightly.

"Will you ever have any missions for me?" she asked, now she seemed slightly pained.

Why was she so emotional today?

Tsunade's heart clenched as she bit her lip and a pained expression colored her eyes.

She looked down and shook her head again.

Sakura closed her eyes briefly. She'd expected as much, but the truth still hurt.

She really was useless here.

She looked at Tsunade. The Hokage looked like she was in pain, as if some poison were seeping through her blood.

She was that poison.

Her resolve firmed and she lifted her chin.

"I'm leaving." She said simply.

Tsunade's head snapped up and she stared at her in shock.

"What? Why?!" she questioned, almost desperately. She couldn't let Sakura go and get herself killed in the real world, Kakashi had asked her to look after her for him when he'd left.

Sakura simply stared back at her and suddenly it hit her what a poor job she'd done in fulfilling her promise.

"Will you return?" she asked now resignedly, she looked older…for the first time, Tsunade felt old.

"I don't know." She answered simply.

Tsunade nodded, her head falling. She just couldn't look at the girl anymore.

She heard something being placed on her desk and then heard the girl leave.

Tsunade looked up then. On her desk lay Sakura's leaf forehead protector.

Tsunade's hand raised and rubbed her chest, over her heart. That spunky little girl she'd liked so much really was gone.

Naruto would throw a fit when he returned.

The sun was starting to lower, it was mid afternoon. She made her way through the streets of the village.

She owed some goodbyes.

The first stop had been the Yamanaka flower shop. Ino had been surprised to see her again, seeing Sakura twice in one day was a great rarity.

Even rarer had been that Sakura had spoken. She'd thanked Ino for her friendship and for everything she'd done for her.

She'd smiled.

It had been a small and sad smile, but it had been a smile. She'd said goodbye as she left.

She'd never said goodbye.

For some reason Ino didn't really understand yet, as she'd watched Sakura's retreating back, she hadn't been surprised.

Ino had then called to her mother in the backroom; she'd needed to leave for a minute.

She'd needed to tell him she was leaving, she'd known that she wouldn't.

Sakura's next stop had been the ramen store but no one she'd wanted to see had been there. So she'd gone to his apartment.

Hinata had answered the door.

Naruto wasn't home, he was on a mission. He wasn't due to return for another two days.

Sakura couldn't wait.

"Just tell him thanks for me, ok? And…and tell him goodbye" Sakura had said with a small, sad smile.

Hinata had frowned slightly, confused by the request and not quite understanding why Sakura wouldn't be here two days from now, but had agreed to comply with her request.

Then she'd gone to the bridge.

She'd stood there for a long time, staring at the water. Making her peace with the past.

This was the last time she would be here.

I'm sorry Kakashi-sensei…but I just can't wait for you anymore. I've become a poison and I'm dying from it. Maybe…somewhere else…there's a cure…I'm sure there isn't one here.

She looked up at the canopy of the bridge, specifically to the bar he always appeared on.

"Goodbye." She whispered.

The sun was starting the set, the light fading away as she had faded away.

_How appropriate_.

Her meager belongings had been packed into an old backpack; her money had been hidden in an inner pocket of her pants. She'd pulled her lose hair into a long braid, incorporating the smaller braid and flowers that Ino had put there earlier.

She couldn't bring herself to take them out just yet.

She stared at the gate as the guards opened it for her. She took a deep breath and winced as she heard all too familiar footsteps rushing towards her.

He stopped five feet behind her.

"What are you doing?" he demanded in his deep, dark voice.

She raised her head and looked contemplatively at the world beyond the village.

"I'm leaving." She said simply.

Something inside him tensed suddenly.

"Leaving? Just like that? You weren't even going to say goodbye?" he demanded anger covering the hurt as he took a step towards her.

"Did you ever tell me goodbye?" she asked softly.

He froze and looked away.

"Why?" he questioned, calmer now as he raised his eyes to her.

"Why not?" she countered softly as she turned to look at him.

His voice died in his throat at the sight of her wounded eyes.

He didn't answer.

She stared at him, held his eyes for a minute…two minutes…an hour…he couldn't tell.

Then she looked away and an overwhelming sense of loss overcame him.

"I gave you much better reasons to stay." She said simply as she turned away.

He collapsed to his knees.

She walked away.

He let her leave.

She didn't look back.

He watched her back disappear.

The gate closed.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

OK for all you bitches and bastards who are gonna flame me for plagiarizing this story, I just got to say you are fucktards who don't know how to read. On the first chapter, I wrote **_everything to explain it . _**If you got shit to take with me tell me to my face not on some stupid review.

As for all the other people who appreciate this story, I thank you for reviewing and here's another chapter!!!


	4. Role Reversal

The Butterfly: Chapter 4

By: Tea Leaf / Banana Soap

For a long time he just stared.

The sun slowly sunk behind the horizon and clouds blew in overhead. The light died.

Still he stared.

Slowly, almost lazily, fat drops of cold water began to fall. They soon picked up speed though and it became a race between thousands upon thousands of drops, from the heavens to the earth. He was soaked.

He didn't notice.

Tsunade watched sadly. He'd been there for over two hours now. The guards had sent for her, he was starting to unnerve them. With a soft sigh she walked towards him, an umbrella protecting her from the onslaught of rain. She crouched down beside him covering him with the umbrella as well as she placed a hand on his back.

He didn't react.

"Its time to go home now Sasuke." She said softly.

His eyes shifted away from the gate, down to the ground then up to the rain. He seemed confused, how could he have not noticed the storm.

Then it hit him: she was out in the storm.

His eyes snapped to the gate again in sudden alarm and his muscles tensed as he was about to rush after her.

Tsunade grabbed his arm, stopping him.

"Its time to go home Sasuke" she said again, her voice a little firmer, a little more convincing.

He looked at her. She was tired. She was weary. She looked old. She was sad too. She was telling him he couldn't go after her, at least not yet.

He nodded slightly and the pair stood up. He walked away, soon disappearing in the rain.

Tsunade watched him go then turned and walked to the gate placing her hand on its seam.

**Good luck kid**

She walked. She couldn't stop walking. She couldn't look back.

She didn't hurry, she knew that no one would come after her.

She was a butterfly, out of sight out of mind. Just a detail in the scenery.

She walked on.

Then the rain started and she stopped as she raised her face to the cold droplets.

She loved the rain. Nature's shower. She always felt clean after standing in the rain.

Butterflies couldn't fly in the rain.

She started walking again and the rain poured down for hours. Finally, she decided on a rest. She was tired, but not sleepy. She still couldn't sleep.

She reclined under a tree, letting the water soak her clothes and coat her skin. She smiled ever so slightly at the sky.

This was a good sign, she was sure of it.

Naruto sighed in contentment as the village came into view through the mists left by the continuing rain.

Finally some decent ramen!

He couldn't wait to see everyone, he'd been away for a week and had gotten a new scar, it had a cool story to, and he was going to tell it to everyone.

_And brag to Sasuke!_ He thought with a foxy grin.

"Alright boys, just two more miles!" He cheered before taking off again.

Jiraiya, Kankuro and Kiba all groaned. Naruto had been running at breakneck speed since this morning, it was all they could do to keep up.

"Bah, let him go, we'll catch up later." Jiraiya muttered before taking out his spyglass and aiming it towards a river in the distance hoping some girls might be swimming despite the rain.

Kiba and Kankuro sweat dropped but didn't complain, they were grateful for the rest as they sat down under a tree, hoping to get some shelter.

He lay on his side, curled slightly into a ball and staring at the wall below the window. It was still raining. It had been raining for days. Ever since she left.

He hated the rain. It was cold, it was wet, it was miserable. He was miserable.

He wouldn't move. He wasn't hungry. He couldn't sleep.

Ino and Shikamaru had stopped by a day or so ago (he wasn't really keeping track of time) and had tried to get him to eat something. He hadn't wanted to.

Tsunade had come by the next day and tried to help him sleep. None of her remedies had worked.

Suddenly there was a large bang as his front door was thrown open. The heavy stomping of feet followed as the intruder ran up the stairs.

He didn't move. He didn't react.

With what seemed like an explosion of energy, Naruto burst into the room.

He was about 5'10" now and had really filled out; he could easily have become a football player (if you know, they played football or knew what football was). Despite his heavily muscled bulk though, he was still as quick and agile as a fox. And right now, this fox had a huge grin slapped on his face and his blue eyes were practically glowing with restraint excitement.

He ignored him.

"Yo, Sasuke!" Naruto boomed out in his characteristically loud voice.

"Go away." He muttered.

Naruto frowned. "What the hell's wrong with you?" he asked, kinda ticked that Sasuke wasn't as lively as he was.

"What the hell do you think?" Sasuke responded sarcastically.

"How the hell should I know, I've been out of town for the past week!" Naruto replied with equal sarcasm.

Sasuke was quiet a moment and Naruto was starting to consider asking again.

"She left." He finally answered in a quiet voice, as if he didn't really want to admit it out loud.

"She? She who?" Naruto continued to pry, concern starting to creep across his features.

"Who do you think?" he responded harshly

"Would you just tell me?!" Naruto yelled back.

He glared at the wall and curled in on himself a bit more. He didn't answer.

"Sasuke, who left?" Naruto asked in a calmer tone.

"…Sakura…Sakura left." He said, some indistinct emotion straining his voice.

Naruto froze but his shock was quickly overcome by anger.

"I don't believe you!" He yelled harshly before taking off, running as fast as he could to Sakura's apartment.

Sasuke didn't move.

He pounded on the door and when there was no answer, he broke the lock and went it.

The room was empty, but the room had always been empty. He checked the drawers under her bed. The clothes were all gone. He checked the cupboards. They were all empty. He checked her window seat. The faint impression of a human was rapidly fading from the cushions; the blood on the windowsill had dried several days ago.

A small blue and black butterfly was perched by the blood.

He sat down on the sill.

"Hey." Came a quiet voice from the doorway.

Naruto looked up to see Hinata standing there and watching him.

"Hey." He said back in a withdrawn tone.

Hinata walked over and hugged him tightly.

Naruto hugged her back; she always knew just what he needed.

"She came to see you two days ago but you weren't home." Hinata began in her soft voice.

"She asked me to give you a message though." She continued. Naruto looked up a little hopefully.

"She said thank you, thank you for everything. And she said goodbye." Hinata said, sadness creeping into her voice as she locked eyes with him.

He hugged her closer as he felt tears start to sting his eyes.

**She was gone…**

Now, of course he knew she wasn't the same person anymore and of course he knew that he couldn't help her but still…

He'd known this would happen. Sakura had never been the type to go down without a fight once she was trapped in a corner. And she'd been living with her back pushed harder and harder against the wall for a long time now. And now she was trying to fight back. He knew that, he understood that.

But she was still his friend. And it still hurt that she had left.

Sakura looked up at the clouds as the rain started to calm, it looked like the storm was clearing up.

She kept walking, her pack feeling a little heavier now that she had raided the group of bandits she'd stumbled upon. She was still in the fire country, she knew that much but she really had no idea where in the fire country. Honestly, she didn't really care.

She still wasn't sure was she was looking for; something just kept pushing her to keep moving.

The sky was clearing and the sun was setting, she decided to find an inn to stay at tonight and try to dry her clothes out.

She found a main road easily enough and about a mile after she'd started following the well-worn stretch she'd come to a comfortable inn with a spare room for the night.

She set her pack down in the room and took everything out, spreading it across the room in hopes of dispelling the dampness. As for the clothes she was wearing, they were soaked but so was everything else so she didn't bother to change before heading back down to the common room for a meal.

She took a small table in a shadowy corner, watching the room. No one looked familiar.

She didn't suppose anyone would ever look familiar again.

In another corner of the room there was a stage that was well lit and currently empty. The sign on the wall promised live entertainment later tonight though.

She enjoyed live music.

Tsunade stared at Sasuke. He hadn't moved since the last time she'd seen him. From the slight gauntness in his cheeks she'd bet good money that he hadn't eaten since then either. The dark smudges under his eyes proved he hadn't slept.

Man! What a pain. One ghost leaves only to create another one!

She had no idea what to do.

"Sasuke, you can't just lie here. You have to do something. Even Sakura at her worst still moved!" Tsunade exclaimed in frustration.

He winced at the sound of her name and pulled a pillow over his head.

Tsunade could have cried in frustration. Of all the stupid things to say!

She stomped over to him and grabbed the pillow pulling it off his head. He hid his head with his arms.

"Sasuke! Please move! Eat! Do something! You're really starting to worry, not only me but all of your friends!" Tsunade said, desperate for some kind of reaction.

She didn't get one.

"Oh I give up!" she exclaimed as she tossed her hands into the air.

"Eat something at least, Ino and Hinata have been stocking your fridge with homemade food all week. The least you could do is eat some of it." She said with a final "hmph" and left.

He'd tried eating but everything tasted like ash. It made him feel sick.

He was sick.

Sick with worry, sick with guilt. Sick with misery.

He didn't understand it. It wasn't like he even talked to her anymore but at least when she was here he could have, had he wanted to.

_Then why hadn't you?!_ His inner voice yelled at him.

He winced.

Why hadn't he? Maybe if he had he could have helped her and she wouldn't have had to leave.

He stared at the wall.

His eyes started to droop closed but he snapped them open again.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her. But he didn't really see her. He didn't see the real her, he saw the her that she used to be. The one he'd destroyed.

His eyes stung.

Why did she have to leave? Why did she have to remind him? Why did she have to force him to acknowledge the damage he'd done. He just wanted to forget everything.

Don't you understand? That's what I want to do too.

He tried to shut his ears to her voice but he couldn't, it was coming from inside his head. His eyes closed again and he saw her as she had been that night, when she'd looked at him with those wounded eyes, when he'd finally seen how broken she really was.

Her arms had been bandaged; there had been dried blood in the gauze. The gauze had been black specifically to hide how much blood there must have been.

She'd been skinny, too skinny. He could see her bones. Her cheeks had been gaunt and shadowed.

But it was her eyes. Her eyes had been open to him for the first time since the night he'd left.

He'd finally seen it.

Her ravaged soul, that gaping wound that just wouldn't heal. The wound he had caused.

He'd seen her desperation.

Through everything he'd gone through, she'd always been right beside him. She had always been the first to defend him, the only one to protect him.

And how had he repaid her? He'd repaid her in pain. He'd told her off countless times, he'd brushed her off even more. He'd ignored her. He'd intentionally hurt her.

His memory provided him with the vivid picture of her back with three shirukens protruding from between her shoulder blades. The lowest one, the one that had been a centimeter short of severing her spine…he'd thrown that one.

He'd almost killed her.

But still she had saved him when she should have been the first to condemn him.

He couldn't lie to himself anymore. If there was any reason that he had finally been able to live a normal life, it was she.

And he'd stolen her normal life.

He'd left her. And then he'd been part of the attack that had killed her parents. Then he'd almost killed her.

She should hate him, like he'd hated his brother.

But that was what he loved most about her. She wasn't like him.

Even more, she'd always brought out the best in him.

Sakura's eyes fluttered open. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so good.

She'd slept.

She had actually slept!

A soft smile of contentment curved at her lips as she closed her eyes again and snuggled deeper into her bed.

Rafael smirked at the latest addition to his gypsy tribe. She looked like a cat that had just had all the cream.

He grinned mischievously as he prodded her ribs with his foot.

She winced and her eyes snapped open in a glare.

Her glare lessened slightly as she noticed the shock on his face.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't realize you were hurt there!" he said quickly as he raised his hands in a defensive way.

She scrutinized his appearance from the messy ash brown hair to the dark blue eyes, down his strong nose, past his thin lips beyond his stubbled chin and jaw, then over his lean body with his various layers of miscellaneous clothing.

Finally she sighed and rolled over onto her back.

"Time to go?" she asked.

Rafael sighed quickly with relief (he'd seen what she did to the last guy who'd pissed her off) before smiling easily and nodding.

She sighed and sat up then proceeded to start packing her things.

She'd med the gypsies at the inn she had stayed at a week ago. They had been the live music. She'd stayed up late, listening to the tales of their travel and becoming enchanted with the idea of simply wandering wherever you felt with fascinating people for company and no real goal other than to appreciate life.

Most of them had a secondary goal of making good music though and so she was currently being taught to play the guitar and had started secretly writing every now and then.

It wasn't a rich life, it wasn't a glamorous life but it was a good life. She could lose herself in it; forget the past and maybe even start to recover.

Despite that though, something in the back of her mind gave off a vague warning that something was wrong. But the voice was so weak the chatter of the misfit company she traveled with easily drowned it out.

And so she walked on, the unnoticed butterflies trailing after her.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Hey Ya'll I'm gonna change the rating up to **Mature **because the story will become for people at least 16. I'll alert you guys when the rating changes.


	5. Time to Stop the Story

Hey Guys,

Due to the many flames and complaints, I am going to delete this story. I am sick of all the flames, shit talks, etc. You know what I mean. I guess, I didn't think that so may people would be against this reposting, even if I did have the permission. Well, I guess I'll stop blabbering now. Even though I wanted to continue, I don't think a majority of you would want that so…

Yuki


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